Sports movies are the ultimate underdog story, similar to my fantasy team every year. Usually a bunch of misfits, under talented, undersized guys that somehow pull out the improbable victory over the big dogs in town. That’s why people love to root against the Patriots, we relate to the underdogs more than the champions. I’ve constructed what I believe to be the perfect “Hollywood Fantasy Football Team”. I can just see it now, Uncle Rico to Forrest Gump for an 80 yard bomb - the new Mahomes and Tyreek. Okay, maybe that’s a reach but you guys know what I mean. Do you think you can build a better team than me with only movies and TV shows? Drop your teams below in the comments and let me know!
Steamin' Willie Beamen (Any Given Sunday) Starting QB
Do you remember what Lamar Jackson did last season? Steamin' Willie Beamen can do it all just like Lamar. He's got the arm, the wheels, and the swag. He might be a little more distracted than you’d like your starting QB to be, and at times he's even selfish. He has the demeanor of Antonio Brown, which makes this come as a risk for your team but his music video is top notch. The man wants to win, and look good doing it and that is something you have to respect.
(Image: Any Given Sunday/Warner Bros.)
Uncle Rico (Napoleon Dynamite) Backup QB
I heard he can throw a football over them there mountains. Absolute cannon of an arm, we’re talking Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary, Jay Cutler Mile High Bombs. Is he accurate? Probably not. The man has the footwork, the arm, and the style to become something great with the right weapons around him. I also believe that anybody that drives a Winnebago (cue Gardner Minshew jean shorts) is an absolute stud!
(Image: Napoleon Dynamite)
Earl Megget (The Longest Yard) RB1
Probably the most naturally talented out of the whole team. I mean did you see that tight spin move he did in the jail yard? He is so fast he ripped through his shoes. Megget can make anyone miss with his lightning quick footwork and vision. I find this to be a no-brainer as far as who should be my #1 RB. If he doesn’t pan out on the field, you already know he will get the locker room bumping like it's 2000.
(Image: The Longest Yard/Paramount Pictures)
Julian Washington (Any Given Sunday) RB2
I want a bruising running back that wears sunglasses to practice. I want one that isn’t afraid to call Al Pacino a pussy. I need someone to take goal line work and fall into the endzone, nothing like a juiced out LL Cool J to barrel through a D-Line to take me to fantasy victory.
(Image: Any Given Sunday/Warner Bros.)
James “Boobie” Miles (Friday Night Lights) RB3/IR
Boobie Miles had his career cut short because of injury, but imagine if he didn’t. He was one of the highest scouted RBs in the nation at the time, had the right attitude, the skills, and the smile to go all the way. Boobie could run, catch, pass, kick, mow your lawn, paint your deck, and be home for supper by 6:30. This is the only real life person in this article that plays an offensive position. The poor man got hurt and resorted to selling cars in Southern Texas. This opportunity to shine on my “Movie Fantasy Team” could be the resurgence his career so desperately needs!
(Image: Friday Night Lights/Universal Pictures)
Rod Tidwell (Jerry Maguire) WR
Perhaps the most recognizable out of the whole squad. “SHOW ME THE MONEY” is a must own regardless of his attitude problems. His stats speak for themselves: 110 Catches for 1500 yards. That is WR1 territory, and that is
what wins you a championship. Some of you may be in this for the fun, over here at the Degenerates, we're here for the money, and the championships. He was Antonio Brown before it was cool.
(Image: Jerry Maguire/Sony )
Charlie Tweeder (Varsity Blues) WR
Every team needs a Julian Edelman. Someone that isn’t afraid to go over the middle to catch those balls that nobody wants to go up and get, someone that parties as hard as he plays. He works hard in practice, this
way he can rehydrate at the keg later. Blue collar, solid hands, great route running, knowing how to tap a keg are keys to making a great slot receiver.
(Image: Varsity Blues/MTV Productions)
Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump) WR/Flex
Who wouldn’t want the American Hero on their team? Who wouldn’t want the fastest man to ever live on their team? After becoming an All-
American at Alabama, fighting in a war, starting the biggest shrimp company in the world, and running across America, Forrest Gump smashed the 40 yard dash record with a 4.00 flat! He isn’t the brightest out of all of them, and could only run in a straight line, but with speed like that I'll take him as a flex option for sure. The man can just flat out run, Forrest, run.
(Images: Forrest Gump/Paramount Pictures)
Brian Murphy (The Replacements)- TE
What do I look for in a TE? A big body that can block, is good with his hands, and comes in clutch when needed. Brian Murphy fills all of those roles. Is it wrong of me to make a joke about how he was Deaf? Nope, the man can catch AND talk with his hands so that is the versatility I'm looking for.
Defense From Remember the Titans
STRONG SIDE, LEFT SIDE. Julius Campbell, Gary Bertier were a force to be reckoned with. Gary Bertier was an All American who during that famous season recorded 142 tackles where 42 OF THEM
WERE SACKS! C’mon now, a sack is 1 point for your fantasy team and that's 42 free points for you waiting to be scored. The Titans ran a 4-4 Defense, which wouldn’t be ideal in today’s NFL but 42 sacks?! Sign me up.
(Image: Remember The Titans/Disney)
Harmon Tedesco (Blue Mountain State) Kicker
Most people in the fantasy football world despise kickers, I am not one of those guys. The way I see it, teams need kickers to win or lose real football games that
come down to the wire. They are the ice men, cold blooded, unflinching; ready to put the team on their back like Greg Jennings did all those years ago in the iconic Madden video. Despite Harmon’s need to be high at all times, he believes that the crown for greatest place kicker on the continent belongs to him. That is the confidence I need my Kicker to have. He puts so much of himself into his pre-snap rituals that you have to respect the man(if you don’t know the ritual you should google it).
(Image: Blue Mountain State/Spike TV)
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